If you've ever looked at the beauty.....neigh.....MAJESTY that is nature and thought to yourself, "I'd love to suffocate that in a clear liquid tomb to preserve it forever!".....then do I have a craft for you! I mean, sure.....I guess that's a creepy way of thinking. But seeing as how I mentally give feelings to any object in my sightline.....inanimate or canine, I think we are just going to have to accept my creepiosity. As a wise group once sang..."I'm a creep...oh-I..... just keep it on the down low....cuz nobody's supposed to knooooow." And by wise I mean going totally bankrupt on music video CGI.
TLC references aside......this craft is relatively easy, super messy, and ends up looking like garbage....so right on par with our previous Crafty Hour experiences. I'm still peeling Mod Podge off of my fingers and palms! Maybe our next craft can be how to frame someone by lifting their prints with Podge, but in the meantime let's just stick to this beautiful leaf votive....and the table....and the hair dryer.....and the camera. You will be sticking to everything. Wear comfies.
GO TO YOUR CRAFT HOARDING ROOM FOR:
- glass jars- I've been hoarding these babies for a year, and now I finally know why! Oh, the glass bottles I have! And that's not counting the redeemable kind.....but that's not my fault, is it Player 2?
- MOD PODGE- (celestial trumpets!) You know in high school I took Home Economics. All we ever did was bake using BisQuick. I jokingly referred to it as 101 Uses For BisQuick. We made biscuits, scones, waffles, and cookies....that ALL just tasted like BisQuick. This blog may be going along the same path. I'm sure if you tasted all of my crafts, they would taste exactly like Mod Podge. Do NOT taste your crafts. Words to live by. Literally.
- a paint brush- I actually preferred a regular brush to the sponge one on this. There were too many nooks and crannies for the sponge to handle. You can really get all the leaf tips with a brush. I mean, they don't really stayed glued down to the jar, but at least they'll be covered. Wouldn't want them to feel left out.
- aspirin- This could definitely be avoided by using a well-ventilated area, but this is the week where....no lie.....AIR GIVES ME HIVES.....so we left everything closed and full of fumes. And by we I mean me, Jim Morrison, and the Archduke Ferdinand.......those guys were HILARIOUS!.......
For the love of criminey....open a window!
- leaves- Hold your breath, run outside, and grab a few beautiful specimens of autumn. That sentence was particularly weird for me. My first dog's name was Autumn. Don't judge me. My vote was for Kisses. Now judge me! I was like 10. It was not my most original moment.
- a hair dryer or patience- Guess which one I picked? That's right. Too lazy to dry my hair today but let's grab that baby for a little fast forward on the old craft. Priorities people. Plus.....have you seen what a blow dryer does to curly hair? Two words: Wookie Beehive.
- a fake candle- Could you use real? Not in this little fire hazard, my friends! Dried leaves and Mod Podge?! It might as well be a molotov cocktail and we all know those are only good for taking out a zombie hoard. Plus....have you ever googled what's released into the air from real candles? You're better off in an unventilated Podge zone. So put on QVC, sit tight, and wait for them to start shilling the flameless candles! My MIL gave me a set of all different sizes last year and I'll tell you.....one of my favorite gifts to date. You guys KNOW I'm a decorating freak. She just feeds the beast!
I'M KIND OF BUZZED AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE.......THIS IS HOW WE DO IT:
- Finish singing Montell Jordon's 90's MEGA-HIT while dancing with your dogs. You can try to deny this as an integral part of the crafting progress but it's my blog and I've been on Benadryl since Monday. I think that pretty much makes me trump-tight on telling people what to do. I mean, I've only been awake for 6 hours in the past four days and 2 of them were spent on crafting and blogging....for you. So get to singing, Bucko!
- Goop up the back of your leaves with the Mod Podge and place it on the jar. Try to push down all the little ends of the leaves to ensure they are completely stuck to the glass. They really won't ever stay down but why should you be less gluey than me?
- Using the hair dryer, attempt to speed along this shebang by gently blowing hot air all over the mess....I mean project. Letting this air dry is infinitely cleaner and will afford you time to catch up on all your backlogged "Young and the Restless" episodes. Laugh as Victor Newman straight up punches his ne'er-do-well-supposedly-deceased-but-actually-just-had-a-face-transplant-son in his.......well......new face! How do I love sweeps week, let me COUNT the ways?!
- Now that the leaves are glued down, let's preserve them. What oh what should we use? You guessed it. Paint the whole exterior of the jar carefully with more Podge. It will be milky white but eventually dry clear. But you knew this because by now you have become THE authority on the Mod.
- Now let's catch up on the "Bold and The Beautiful". We can definitely squeeze in 2 episodes while waiting for this to dry. Use this time to ponder why Liam is such a "catch"?! Really!! All you have to do to date this dude is to be in the same room as him. The guy has relationship amnesia. I mean, two years ago I watched him marry Steffy after she trapped Hope in a ski-gondola in Aspen. So you're just sitting around, waiting for one bride and another shows up and your like..."That's cool. I just felt like getting married this afternoon." Moron.
- Now that your pretty is all dry, and Thomas just punched Ridge in the face....giving him the world's FASTEST black eye.......you are ready for the final step. Turn on the candle and drop it into your new....ALMOST FREE.....autumnal votive. Oh BABY are people going to be impressed.....or at the very least polite. And that's all we can really hope for, isn't it?
Now head outside and gather up some of nature's glory all for your own beautiful fake candle holder! And then post a photo about it because I miss the outside world.........and you people wonder why I root for the snow.