It's 4:53am but I've been up for two hours. I know because I just heard the coffee pot beep. Can't help it. When I get this excited I just gots to revel in the anticipation! I watch weather people like I used to have to watch shady ex-boyfriends. I look for tells. I can spot something off in body language from 20 yards. You see most people hate snow, so no weather person wants to be the bearer of bad news. But watch......and listen......they are bound to trip up eventually.
This week for example. I was desperately scanning the weekly forecast for at least one little flake. That's when I heard him say....."There may be some kind of storm on Monday but it looks like it could miss us completely." Right there you raise an eyebrow! If they are watching a storm it has the potential to be awesome......or horrible......depending on which half of the glass of life you drink from. AND if they are brushing it off on a Friday it's only because they know the weekend guy is going to have to give you the real "bad" news.......or the excuse for dancing on your furniture. I mean, I do want to retire in Norway.
So this will be a MY survival guide for getting through something we should all be pretty used to by now. You can follow it and have a really happy couple of days or you can read it while hiding from your noisy family in the bathroom. Either way, I'm here for you.
IF 3 DAYS OF THE WEEK HAVE A GRAPHIC OF SNOW, THEN TO THE CRAZY-ASS GROCERY STORE I'M AFRAID YOU MUST GO!
- Hopefully you are like me and saw the potential for grocery store LUNACY early yesterday morning. I knew I had to change plans and shop early. Tuesday is actually my shopping day and with this whole new....."I eat vegetables".....kick I'm on I actually have to go every 5 days or so. Yesterday morning Player 2 and I were in the check out line before the headache from your hang over wore off. Ironically neither milk nor bread was purchased. Spaghetti squash and roasted almonds definitely were.
- Don't forget important things like mixers for any cocktails you might make, popcorn to eat with the cocktails, and ingredients to make lasagna. The popcorn's not going to last forever and nothing soaks up tequila like mounds of ricotta.
- Smile at everyone. It's fun to be the only happy one in an angry, angry New England. You can say things to people like....."I'm SNOW happy this is happening!" Be prepared to dodge and weave. People are mean.
TAKE MY ADVICES CHARGE UP YOUR DEVICES!
- Do you want to have to talk to your family???!!!! I don't think so. That's why this step is THE most important one. Which is why it is placed squarely in the second spot. First is the worst, second is the best.........you know. But then by this mantra, the next rule is the one with the hairy chest.
- Make sure all devices are charged up and then turned off. These are our EMERGENCY time passing devices. If you think this house doesn't have a minimum of 4 battery operated gaming devices then you don't read this blog, we've never met, or you just don't pay attention. And now I'm starting to question our friendship.
- Don't forget to charge the lap top!!! We have all seasons of "The Office" waiting to get us through a possible 12 hours of boredom.
- Otherwise......there's always books. But I'm pretty sure those need charging now, too. So charge your books!....And other weird things I'd never thought I'd be writing on my website's blog....mostly because the internet wasn't invented until I was like 20. It was a simpler time......
FOR A SNOW DAY WITHOUT ANY BORES, PLEASE MAKE SURE TO DO ALL YOUR CHORES.....THE DAY BEFORE...ZZZ. (Rhyming MASTER!)
- To me there's nothing worse than being stuck inside your home, staring at all the things you need to get done. That's why I give the house a good and thorough clean before I'm trapped inside with 2 dogs and a Player 2. That way I have memories of "clean" to hold on to as my floors get trounced with 8 little dog feet and a pair of snowy boots that usually makes it completely across the house before Player 2 notices that.....drum roll.......they're wet.
- Do your laundry. Get all the towels and "comfies" you own nice and clean. Especially socks. Is there ANYTHING worse than wet socks???!!!! No, there's not. Maybe an itchy sweater......but I'd say that was a tie. However, if the people and animals in YOUR life use doormats than you already living the dream. The floor mopper's dream......but a dream none the less. Feel envied.
- I also take the time to wash my couch blankies. This will be your new pashmina/cocoon so you'll want it to be nice and fresh. Especially for a 3 day marathon of couch snuggles and dog toots. Oh your dog doesn't toot?! Then I guess it was you. (They both look real guilty.)
IT'S MONDAY SUNDAE!!!! SNOW DAY EDITION!!!!!
A while back, Player 2 introduced me to the BEST snow day cocktail. The simple yet noble rum and coke simultaneously warms you up whilst making you smile. And if you have a cocktail that goes better with tomato soup and grilled cheese than I'd like to know about it. Actually, I wouldn't because you're wrong. That sweet and spicy beverage is the perfect compliment to that rich soup and creamy grilled cheese! In fact, I can only think of one thing to improve upon it!
THE CAPTAIN'S GLACIER.......OR......A RUM AND COKE FLOAT
FOLLOW RULE #1 AND FORAGE FOR:
- spiced rum- It doesn't have to be the Captain. There's lots of other commanding naval officers that have decided to branch out into the liquor industry. I will say that the female led brand seems to have a higher proof than the men's brands. Women....always working a little harder to get the same recognition.
- custard mix- You know the drill! Click on this sentence and learn the secrets of making your very own. Or don't. Jeez. Quit being cranky!! It's gonna snow!!!!
For this mix you will need: 4 eggs, 2 1/2 cups heavy cream, 1/2 cup of milk, and 1/2 cup of sugar.
- a vanilla bean- Spiced rum has a lot of vanilla itself but this will bring more flavor to the party. Plus how culinary do YOU feel when you slice the bean down the middle and scrape out all of the seeds???!!!! You're so Martha.
- the tiniest pinch of nutmeg- Props to you if you have it fresh! I have a jar from a spice rack I've been working from since 2009. If I can use it, I do. The Marjoram however; I have yet to find a use for. I also definitely thought this was illegal to have in your spice rack until I was like 10 and had a D.A.R.E. class.
- cola- Pop, fizz juice, sugar bubbles..........ya dig?
- straws- Good luck drinking a float without one! It's like trying to shovel your driveway with a rake.....doable but maddening and messier. And we JUST cleaned.
- Make your custard mix in advance so it's already been getting nice and cold in the fridge. Much like the cold from the frigid past few weeks was readying the ground for snow. While you were all...."Oh it's so cold, but at least it's not snowing!".....people like me were all......"Yes....that's it.....steady cold temperatures.....muhahahaha!!!" just bidding our time.....waiting for the next 6 weeks of bliss.
- Reduce one cup of spiced rum to about 2/3 of a cup. Throw in your vanilla beans! Scrape out the seeds AND throw in the pod, too. Those babies are pricey. Let's get our money's worth, shall we? Allow to cool completely before you put in the fridge to chill.
- Once these two kids have had time to cool off, they can hang out again. Add your "rum-nilla" into your custard mix. Obviously take out the bean, man. Add your pinch of nutmeg and pour this all into the ice cream machine. Set it to blizzard and go stare out the window!!! Why isn't it here yet!!!!???? Oh man....we're going to make a snow man, and snow angels, and play video games, and Scrabble, and Star Wars The Collectible Card Game.........ummmmmm......disregard the last one as it kills ANY kind of street cred I may have had previously. I will however, go on record as saying I usually kick Player 2's booty. I am always the Dark Side. Why?
"Evil will always win over Good, because Good is dumb." Oh MAN!! We should really watch "Spaceballs" today.
- Once the ice cream looks less like a coastal storm and more like a sweet, sweet Nor'Easter, it's time to scrape it out into a freezer-safe container. Add your layer of plastic wrap to the surface before you put the lid on. We are anti-crystallization in our ice cream......but pro-crystallization for our snow. Pop this into your freezer and by the time you've watched "Frozen" for the umpteenth time this week........may they have mercy your soul...........this will be ready to help you "let it go". Sorry.....easy one.
- When you're ready add a bit of cola to a tall frozen glass. Then a couple scoops of Rum-nilla. Then a bit more cola. I mean it's not rocket surgery. But a basic float building lesson here guys.........put a plate under the float glass. Floats are essentially the volcano experiments of the ice cream world. That reminds me. We can totally make a volcano! I think I even have food coloring for lava.......
Well there you have it. A recipe....a survival guide......and non-stop hilarity. What more could you ask for? Well....I guess you could ask for it to not snow, but there's no way I'm helping with that. So just take the day like Mother Nature wants you to and kick back. I mean....look how the beautiful snow just covered up all of your neighbor's ugly yard. See? The snow's not so bad. Go ahead and put your feet up and spike your float with some extra rum. After all, it's very important to stay warm.
Makes enough for 3-4 people, technically.
Makes enough for 2 people, realistically.
Makes enough for me, more than likely.