Guys, grab a glass of wine or a mug of cocoa and come sit over here, next to me, by the fire.......Let's talk about expectations during the holiday seasons. The mad rush and frantic need to keep up with holiday parties, cards, gifts, cleaning, shopping, can make your anxiety start blinking faster than my Christmas light set's 6th setting....the one that I call..."Vegas". The amount of people in the world on a daily basis triples as does the amount of display stands in the aisles of EVERY store. I can't move without bumping someone or thing and everyone has the same Christmas...."Touch Me And I'll Murder You" face on. I go in for sugar and come out with claustrophobia.
Maybe some RUDE person in your life even has a December birthday.
So let's just end this madness right here an now. Let's all take a chill pill....a breather......a time out. Let's remember what this time of year is really about. It's about enjoying the little things and the joy we get in giving to others. I guess what I am saying is, there's absolutely no way I was pulling off 12 crafts in 12 days. Truly......what was I thinking? "Oh yeah....I'm totally going to whack out 7 crafts this week....right after I fill all the holiday orders......and make more ice cream......and make deliveries.....and participate in holiday shenanigans.....clean the house......do the laundry.....make a birthday cake and dinner............AND get a 5 star ranking in Resident Evil 4 Mercenaries Mode.......Ganado Village Level." Pssshhhh.....something had to give. See you next year Bottle Cap Snowman Ornaments!
So I did craft one last thing. And we are going to learn how to make it. It's easy. It's fun. And it's totally customizable. It is the exact opposite of the holidays. I give you:
A HAPPY "POKEY" SNOWMAN.....SCULPTURE...DECORATION......thingy.
TRY TO SHAKE THAT DEEP ROOTED RELIGIOUS GUILT THAT WEIRDLY MANIFESTS IN THE HOLIER THAN THOU CRAFT STORE AS YOU GRAB:
- 3 Styrofoam Balls- One larger than the other two. I get a million "life points" for not making a joke here.
- green spray paint- There are yellow versions of "Pokey" but they are wrong. The only Pokey we are going to acknowledge is the Mario 2 version, because like all things, I enjoy the sequel more than the original. Much to the annoyance of the masses. But you know what?????? The Pokey that I like IS the original Pokey so maybe I'm breaking my normal routine......Does your head hurt yet? Good! That was to remind you to use your paint in a well ventilated area. The basement.....is NOT a well ventilated area. You will be able to smell paint in all your bathrooms when you run the exhaust fans.......someone told me.
- black pipe cleaner- Snipped into 1/2 inch pieces. Pokey is a cactus themed baddie from Mario 2. You can't have a Pokey without some pokes.
- red ribbon- Mine was harvested from last year's wreath. You know my motto...."Don't throw that out. I'll take that."
- stapler- glue is for chumps. Unless it's......
- SUPER glue- Patience is for chumps. This works fast-fast. Like we like.
- white paint- Like 2 tiny dots worth. Use Wite Out if you don't have it. Or nail polish. Or icing.....or ranch dressing.....I am so hungry.
- black construction paper- To cut out eyes and a smiling mouth. Scraps will do.
- floral stakes- Also harvested from that wreath but oh-so-perfect for connecting your balls........what?
- Slice of a thin portion of the largest ball. This will allow our sculpture to stand upright. Otherwise your Pokey will look like the Princess has already destroyed him. Oh yeah. Mario 2 was the first game where you could be the Princess. She was also THE best character. Anybody who tells you they weren't the Princess for every level except for 1-3 is a big fat liar. Or a fool. And the only reason you can't use her there is because you need Crazy Leg Luigi to jump to the Warp Zone. But you knew that.
- Put together your balls. Using the floral stakes you're going to stack them like a snowman with the bigger ball going on the bottom. Don't stack them right on top of each other. Pokey's always moved like they were going to just roll apart at any moment. We want a lot of realism here. We are paying homage to a classic.
- If you want to make this a boring old snowman....here's where you pick up your craft and run. If you're still with me than shake up that green spray paint and put a nice even coat on. Shoot from different angles of best coverage. That's also very applicable in photography. True story.
- It's going to dry crazy fast so just flip it over and make sure all the white is gone. Let dry completely.
- Fashion a scarf out of your holiday ribbon. Why not use a stapler to put it together? I won't judge you. Why I bet if you put enough staples in the shape of a snow flake, people would just think it was a beautiful embellishment. Let's go with that. I made a circle and stapled it around Pokey's neck. Then I added the long parts with....drum roll please.......a stapler.
- Jab the pipe cleaner pieces all over your Pokey for that natural cactus look. Try not to put too many in the face area. We can go from cute little Pokey to "Hell Raiser's" Pinhead if we are not careful.
- Glue on his eyes and smile with your super glue. It's dry before you finish reading this sent-.
- Two little dabs of white paint on the eyes and you've brought this little dude to life! Figuratively. If this thing really starts moving on its own, you salt it and light it on fire. Immediately.......but safely.
Now you too can have a sweet reminder of MY childhood. And why wouldn't you want that? And setting realistic limitations on the things I'm able to accomplish has done wonders for my stress levels. Now if you'll excuse me SOMEONE who lives here has a birthday today and I have to go make white frosting for his chocolate cake.....and Maple Stout Swirl to scoop on top.