On almost every diner menu in the world there is an item named "The Happy Waitress". It's usually some kind of BLT with cheese, your standard dinner fare. And that's all well and good, but most of the waitresses I knew were not getting happy with sandwiches. They were getting happy with a dirty martini. They were remembering how to smile again with a rum and coke. They sat down for the first time in 8 hours and had a big, fat, glass of delicious wine. Sandwiches?! Pssshhh! There will be plenty of time for sandwiches later. Wendy's is open real late. I'll be seeing YOU later Spicy Chicken Sandwich. Rawrrr!
Now these days a lady has to watch her figure. Between an ever-slowing metabolism and an ICE CREAM SHOP IN MY HOUSE, we have to pay attention to calories a bit more. Listen, I'm never getting back into my size 6's. I know this because I've chosen food now. But it's ok because I really like it. I will hover at a happy 10 if I can for the rest of my days. And I'm going to let you in on the world's most obvious fact........Drinks have calories. True story. I don't know about you, but when I'm counting calories I make EVERY one count. I told you. I literally work out to eat more food. It makes my calories in the negative until dinner.
So the last thing we should do is ruin a days worth of good behavior with a heavy drink like beer. I'm about to give you my MOST delicious recipe. Oh it's not ice cream.......but we're going to need some ice. Two words: Tequila Spritzer. Why?! Because!!! We want to feel light! We want to feel free! We want to feel like all of our ideas are really good ones! Like shooting zombies! Or watching Judge Judy and loudly commenting on the case! Did you ever notice the bailiff Byrd has the sickest turquoise ring?.........Or ordering pizza!!!........NO......Damn it, Tequila. Quit trying to sneak in and derail our progress.
THE "HAPPY ICE CREAM LADY" TEQUILA SPRITZ-AH
BE 21 OR OLDER AND GO TO THE LIQUOR STORE FOR (AND PROBABLY THE GROCERY STORE TOO----UNLESS YOUR LIQUOR STORE CONVENIENTLY SELLS PRODUCE ):
- delicious delicious tequila- Truly, I could savor it like wine. I was lucky enough to not play with tequila too early in my drinking career so I get to enjoy it now. The golden rule of tequila is...."Respect it and it will respect you." Kind of like bees.
- mandarin oranges, clementines, basically orange citrus fruit
- club soda- Not tonic, you dig? Tonic has a bunch of sugar. And it leaves my teeth feeling weird and squeaky. Like cranberry juice. So I guess that rules out ever having a cranberry tonic. I also love to use flavored club soda like Georgia Peach or Lime. But there are literally 3675 options in the soda aisle. Literally. I counted.
- Squeezy the bejeezy out of your orange citrus into a tall glass 2/3 filled with ice. This is our sugar so make sure you get every precious drop of that into the glass. Discard the oranges or leave them in a triumphant pile on your counter. Squeeze the breezy out of one half a lime but leave that in the glass. Limes make everything better.
- Put everything else in. I mean...HELLO.......it's a drink guys. Add the desired amount of tequila. I like "3 fingers worth". Rest your hand on the bar as if you were about to karate chop it. DON'T karate chop it. We will not get served that way. Instead count fingers upwards to match up with the height of the amount of tequila you want poured into the glass. Yeah. So I used to bartend in the Old West. My old boss was notorious for walking by the bar, looking you right in the eye and karate chopping the bar as he walked by so you could have a chilled "4 finger" shot of Patron for him as we walked back the other way. Made for a quick shift.
So kick back and relax with this bubbly and deliciously refreshing cocktail after a long day of work. Or just after a long day of life. Because sometimes you just have to remember how to stop and shoot the zombies with a little boozy beverage. You deserve it....and Chinese food......DAMN IT, Second Tequila. Why are you so much more convincing than your brother? Now all I can think about is scallion pancakes and the Shaun T work out I will have to do to off set it tomorrow.....but guys.....scallions are vegetables.