I know. I know. Bacon is OVER. Bacon has been "done". It's so 5 minutes ago. I'm the lamest lame that ever lamed. Once the general public openly and lovingly embraces something, the "coolest" kids have to hate it. They hate it because they already loved it. Like way before you even knew what IT was. Psssssh...........what do YOU even know about bacon?
Well Chuckle, I know that bacon is NEVER not delicious. Bacon is so good that it makes seemingly intelligent adults use nonsensical double negatives whilst speaking of it. It's so good that you can use its fat to instantly make anything better. Don't think many of Earth's creatures get that title. It's also so good that our good friend and health nut Mama Walker has decided to add a little maple flavor and about 80 proof to the mix......all in the name of breakfast-themed cocktails. Seriously. This woman must have hated Bloody Marys and Mimosas so much that she decided to create a brunch-specific booze line. That my friends is classic American ingenuity.....fueled by gluttony. We're kindred spirits.........Mama Walker and me. I can only hope she too, is an accidental pun machine.
Personally I'd use this recipe for my Christmas Brunch.......because if you're not allowed to eat bacon maple boozy ice cream for Christmas breakfast, then what are we even doing with our lives, guys? We are the grown ups now. Which means we can do whatever we want. I rearrange my living room in order to best play video games. Every time. Because I can.
ONLY PUSH AND RIDE THE CARRIAGES IN AISLES WITHOUT PEOPLE.....WHILE YOU GET:
- Mama Walker's Maple Bacon Liquor- AKA....breakfast. We will need a cup. Then we will need to cook it down. And ultimately we will probably need a juice cleanse after this caps off the holidays. Because it's December 1st and my Thanksgiving food gut has yet to recede.
- girl scout cookies- You will not need these for this recipe but I feel you should know they go on sale online for the first time ever....this month. I do food PSA's. For you. Because I care.
- bacon- Crispy and delicious. Get that wiggly jiggly bacon OUT my face.
- 2 silver dollar pancakes- We don't want to make pigs out of ourselves, do we? Plus...less carbs than big ones, so.........score. I find the best pancakes are made by my Player 2 but I believe Aunt Jemima makes a delectable alternative.
- custard mix- Don't go looking in the dairy section for custard mix. Mostly because it won't be there. You have got to make it all by yourself using this recipe link. It should take you right over to Custard Club.
The ingredients you'll need for said custard are:
2 1/2 cups heavy cream
1/2 cup whole milk
2/3 cup maple syrup
a medium to large sized bowl with 4 egg yolks, scrambled and afraid
- Pour your bacon booze into a pot and reduce it from 1 cup to 2/3. Pour some into a shot glass and reduce your inhibitions by 1/3, as well. What's a good chaser for this? I'd recommend the smokey and sweet, if not too traditonal for you........Cola. Or be unique and try Waffle Batter. You're call.
- Let the booze cool, then chill in the fridge. Ideally you'd want your custard mix and booze reduction chilling at the same time. I mean it's only going to help them get along better in the future. But I'm not going to pressure you, Sunshine. You are a beautiful and unique snowflake and your life direction is your business. Just going to take way longer to freeze for you. But what do I know?
- Mix those two crazy kids together. Turn that ice cream machine up and pour in the breakfast of champions. Cue up 3 of your favorite music artists MOST POPULAR SONGS!! Dance to them! Sing to them! Love them even if other people love those songs too! That's kind of the FREAKING point. I mean "Play Freebird!!!" is screamed at every concert I've ever been to and that's not because the 4 minute guitar solo DOES NOT melt your face off. Yeah. That song is the bacon of the music world. So good it warrants double negatives. I mean.....they yelled it at a Snoop Dog show guys.......someone did.......Maybe she just thought it be a good mash-up, ok?!
- When the ice cream starts to pull away from the side of the machine, it's ready to be poured into a freezer safe container. Top the surface with plastic wrap to stave off age and freezer burn. Put your lid on and place in the freezer for at least 6 hours, but best do this one a day before. Mama's not playing with the proof of alcohol in her concoctions. So it may take a bit to set up in the freezer.
Picture it. It's Christmas morning and you've just finished snuggling your new Play Station and explaining to it how much it's going to love its new home, when all of a sudden.....hunger pangs hit. So you run to the kitchen where your Player 2 has already made bacon and pancakes and scream......"MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!" Then you hand them an ice cream scooper and become their breakfast super hero. Which obviously means you get to go first on the PS. Called it. Calling it. Here. Now. Read that, Player 2? Good.
Makes enough for 3-4 people, technically.
Makes enough for 2 people, realistically.
Makes enough for me, more than likely.