You forget just how stinky it is to get elbows deep in pumpkin guts until you wash your hands and hours later your like, "Why does it smell like garbage in here?! Oh wait, that's me." But with jack-o-lanterns like these, I can justify the pumpkin funk!
If you know me, you know that I am a huge gamer. (Translation for "non-gamers": I play and thoroughly enjoy a ridiculous amount of video games.) All kinds. They are a wonderful escape. They keep your hand eye coordination tight, your brain thinking quickly, and your butt nice and big. Okay, so 2 out of 3 ain't bad. Personally I'll take a slightly bigger rump in exchange for the mental peace of mind that comes with saving the world. You people don't realize it but I've saved you from certain doom more often than I'd care to count. Twice from Sephiroth, alone! TWICE!! And he can walk through fire.
So rather than erect a noble statue in my honor, why not just give one of these pumpkins a try. BONUS: You'll earn tons of street cred with your kids, the neighborhood kids, and weirdo adult gamer folk like me!
Open Up A Magical Treasure Chest To Find:
- pumpkins- We aren't getting far into this project without them.
- a dry erase marker- the most forgiving of pumpkin drawing utensils
- a terrifyingly rusty and serrated knife- OR a nice and safe pumpkin carving one. Your call, as usual. Guess what route I went?
- stitches- UNLESS you are paying attention. Years ago I sliced my pointer finger with a serrated bread knife and had to get 4 stitches . So, no sing-a-longs during this craft. Trust me. A stitch through your nail is not something you want to experience. Don't make me show you pictures of Frankenfinger.
- tea light candles- I think I bought a gross of them from IKEA in 2003 for like $1. We'll use those.
- tin foil- aluminum foil will do, because they're the same thing, right? (disregard Player 2 saying, "No, they're not..." You're always right anyway.)
- Mr. Potato's Head Yellow Feet- C'mon! You don't have those kicking around?! (I swear that was unintentional.)
- a magnetic bracelet given to you as your BFF cleaned garbage out her car- so this one you may not have. I mean, maybe you do have a best friend that gifts you her car trash, but the odds of her handing you a ridiculous magnetic bracelet are pretty slim. So you can substitute this for a skate key, which actually may be even rarer, or the always available yellow construction paper.
- a paper clip- Because I'm like MacGuyver.
- black and red spray paint- How do I love thee, let me count the ways!
- white latex paint- Drag that half used can out of the basement and give it new purpose! If your husband's like mine, then it's probably right next to 9 computers from 1987. You think I hoard ridiculous stuff?! PSSSSSHHHHH.
- a lighter- Or fire materia. (gamer joke)
- Draw on your pumpkins using your dry erase marker. If you mess up all you have to do is wipe it off and try again. My Chomp-Chomp's teeth took approximately 1000 attempts all of which I disregarded when I went at it with the knife. Cut out your top pieces to put the candle in (or bottom piece if you are making the Chomp Chomp).
- Carve out the sections that you want removed. And remember, as we all learned from the fable "The Koopa Troopa and The Hare" : Slow and steady wins the race.....unless you wanted to win the race to the ER in an ambulance. Than by all means, hack and slash in true Halloween style. Maybe you'll get your OWN Frankenfinger.
- Set up outside. Using spray paint in the home is borderline insane. And you wanting to do that makes me think you already have been disregarding ventilation instructions. You didn't see a talking Panda the other day, did you? (Total inside joke for loyal readers. There's 79 of you! True story. Love it. <3 ) Now that we've established all that.....spray nice even strokes and let dry in between coats. Make sure you actually get the inside of the Bob-omb's eye holes with the spray paint for a more finished Bob-omb look. Oh yeah....definitely thought I'd be writing that sentence in a b-blog some day.
- Wait until they are completely dry and paint in the edge of the piranha plant's mouth white. How do you think it stays so clean? Maybe it's Shy Guy's job to wash them. Or Lakitu throws down some rain instead of Spinys. I highly doubt Koopa's kids are out there pulling their weight. Just saying.
- Lay your Chomp Chomp on its side and paint the teeth white. Try to cover all of the orange edges of teeth. We are going for total realism here. The kids will know, man. Do it right. To paint its eyes I just free-handed a circle, leaving a pupil size black dot behind. A nice thick coat of the latex will go right over that black spray paint. Smooth as buttah.
- While you're letting these 2 "baddies" dry............(A "baddie" is a bad guy. But like only from "Super Mario". Like you can't go around saying you're killing baddies in "Grand Theft Auto"........mostly because YOU are the baddie. But it also sounds pretty lame.).............poke a hole in the base of your Bob-omb to jam in Mr. Potato Head's feet. Hopefully you found yellow, or at least, yellow spray paint to make that happen. Otherwise two tiny potatoes might work. Or maybe dinner rolls? I'm hungry.
- We also need to fashion a turn key for him. Use the yellow paper and cut out two pieces gluing them together to be a bit thicker. In between those two pieces place a paper clip that you have partially unwound. Leaving the pointy side out and sandwich the rest of the clip in your two pieces of paper. Allow glue to dry and gentle push into the Bbomb's back.
Me? I had that random magnetic bracelet that already looked like the thing, and the paperclip was metal so no glue necessary. I "game genie-ed" that step right there, Buddy. B-boom!
- Chomp Chomp's chain was made making ovals out of aluminum foil and connecting them. Think Christmas chain of red and green, but shinier and silver and used to hold a bowling ball with teeth and eyes at bay. Seems legit.
- Once you've assembled your baddies, put your tea lights inside and light using a long match. Unless you got a fire flower before and can shoot fire bullets by raising your hand up. Then please come over and hang out.
Dude, if you don't get a MINIMUM of 15 kids telling you that those jack-o-lanterns are the best EVER then you live in a neighborhood of lame children and I would seriously consider moving. You can't raise your kids around people who don't appreciate art. And obviously we don't have to give those kids ANY candy.