"I bet those things could palm a basketball." - Some Guy
That's an actual quote, from an actual former bar patron, who actually was trying to flirt with me. It was really cute the way he slurred as he said it. Here's a "pro-tip" for the gents: Referring to any parts of a lady bartender as "those things" is dangerous to your health, and even more so for your alcohol consumption. That poor guy was gently escorted out what was affectionately referred to as..........The Idiot Door*** , a special side door in the bar for the special few who needed special help leaving. Oh the stories I could tell you.....and I'm sure I will, eventually.
But the man brought up a great point. I was BLESSED with giant hands......and let's face it....feet too. (Those are less of a blessing, but they keep me standing up.) These hands can clean up a Scrabble board in under 3 seconds. They can hold everything from your purse as you search for your keys. They are a GUARANTEED high five.
Tiny crafting, however, gets pretty dang involved. Needless to say the "How To Make Dollhouse Accessories" tutorial has been scrapped.......and speaking of scraps, let's use some to make these great drink umbrellas!!!! Yeah. I'm pretty much the Queen of Thoughtful Segues.....(as opposed to Segways....which we all know I would fall off of, immediately.)
DRAG YOUR SPOUSE TO THE CRAFT STORE FOR:
- Pretty Paper- Unless you have some in your hoarding stash. Otherwise the scrapbooking section has tons of great designs. My paper had different patterns on each side. So I get bonus points. It should be thicker than normal paper....kind of like Oak Tag was....do they still even make Oak Tag?! I feel like they stopped using it past 5th grade.
- Bring a 40% OFF COUPON- We do not pay retail, people. Google it, print it, and bring it. What are we? Made of money?
- Double Sided Tape- Scotch, of course.......
- Drink Umbrellas- (Forget the craft place! DOLLAR STORE score!) - I know. You think I'm nuts, but here's the deal; we are harvesting for parts here. Parts I dare you to find on the internet AT ALL, let alone for as cheap as these little babies come. And I tried other ways. Messier ways. Ways with wooden sticks and glue. Ways with tape. Ways with glue and tape. Ways that almost worked and then didn't. Ways that would send you screaming into the night!!! So just trust me. Buy these. Enjoy the craft. Hug your family.
- Letter Stickers- We are looking for small letters, people. Ones that look nearly microscopic in mega-palms like mine.
YOU SHOULD PROBABLY HAVE:
- can of tuna or can of equal circumference
- a slight knowledge of Pac Man
- Using your can, trace a circle onto your pretty paper. Carefully cut out aforementioned circle. Look at that! Two steps in one!? We're crafting mavens. MAVENS, I tell you.
- Here's where it gets tricky. Estimate a pie piece amount and cut it out of the circle. How much pie? Visualize how much you would cut for yourself. Well actually, the amount you would if people were over and you didn't want them to witness your pie gluttony.
I liken it to making a Pac Man shape......
- Put a piece of double sided tape along the roof of Pac Man's mouth and overlap the bottom jaw over the top. This underbite should cause the circle to become more cone-like. It probably even looks like an umbrella without the stick!
- Time to personalize! There are all types of sticker letters you can get for this. FUN FACT: Mine had multiple fonts for each letter that......FUN FACT: upon further inspection...were in NO particular order. So I actually had to debate if my letters matched, as I didn't want it to look like a cleverly disguised ransom note in somebody's drink. Unless your party theme is "KIDNAPPED!" Which really just sounds like trouble. Pick a new theme. Like ice cream. That's a nice theme.
- OK.....now carefully dismantle your umbrella leaving only the stick and little plastic circle garter thingy on the stick. Use the point of the stick pop through from the underside of the umbrella, just to form a tiny hole.
- Now flip it back over and just slide the stick through the hole you just made, and finally slide that tiny circle thingy back up to keep your personalized, way cooler, new drink accessory from sliding down.
So now you can make and use these fabulous tiny umbrellas so your drinks do not "blister in the sun". But truthfully get the freak out of the sun. Face cream is CRAZY expensive.
*** Idiot Door was not the actual terminology used. Think one less syllable, more anatomical.